


Kneel Before Jade

by SyfyGuy2



Category: Jackie Chan Adventures
Genre: Disguise, Embarrassment, Funny, Humiliation, Humor, Illusions, Magic, Magical Artifacts, Mischief, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27872954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyfyGuy2/pseuds/SyfyGuy2
Summary: During a heist involving the Enforcers, Jade steals a magic artefact and has some fun, at the Enforcers' great expense. [One-shot]
Kudos: 1





	Kneel Before Jade

** Kneel Before Jade **

Glass crashed, and an alarm instantly rang, the three thieves sprinting down the museum steps.

"Come on, move it!" the youngest and only Chinese member of the trio, yelled to his comrades as they fled. Not a second later, a car screeched with a noise around the bend, passenger door opening as a physically-fit Asian man in a lilac jumper stepped out.

"It appears Captain Black's alert about the Dark Hand being at the museum was correct," Tohru murmured, the gigantic sumo nearly filling a full quarter of the car at the driver's seat.

"Awesome!" a young girl's voice piped from the backseat – Jade Chan clenching her fists as she spoke. "Time for some Chan-style butt-whooping!"

"The only Chan-style thing you will be doing Jade, is getting to that parents' evening with Tohru," her uncle Jackie said, frowning disapprovingly. It prompt a groan and a pout from the girl in the orange hoodie, a dismayed scowl creasing her face. Jackie promptly took off, sprinting.

"What should I say at the evening?" Tohru called after Jackie.

"Ah- Tell them I'll be late!" Jackie shouted back frantically as the thieves retreated into an alley. Tohru promptly pulled the car away from the sidewalk in a U-turn, leaving the scene.

The alley-ways of this particular part of town were a maze, leading directly into the industrial district of old factories and warehouses, taking the Enforcers zigzagging like rats in a maze. Despite Jackie Chan being over fifteen metres behind them, the long-nosed redhead Finn in the white clothes caught a glimpse of him rounding a corner.

"It's Chan!"

"Crud!" Chow groaned at the head of the group, grasping in one hand the sack containing their theft as he pumped his limbs.

"Why is Shendu into fish now?" Ratso asked between his panting breaths, the sloping-shouldered, odd-proportioned man with red eyes and a cheap suit getting exerted from all their running.

"It's not a fish, genius, it's a _clam_!" Chow said, holding up the sack by the side so the glittering, indigo-coloured, telephone-sized clam inside could be seen through the sack's opening. "He said something about his demon sister calling a favour or her blackmailing him, I dunno! He was talking in a mirror!"

Finn, Chow and Ratso ran on, and for once they were making good headway from Jackie Chan, being more familiar with using these ways to escape cops – Jackie at times had to halt and skid at intersections in the lanes to see which way they'd turned. As Jackie turned, a ringing started, and he pulled his cellphone from his pocket and to his ear without slowing.

"Captain Black. Hello?"

" _I just got word from the curator_ ," the Section 13 head's deep voice greeted Jackie. " _Only one artefact's been stolen: the Clam of Shen, a new exhibit. Official story says it's supposed to be magic, though I don't know what for_."

"The Clam of Shen, or the Clam of Shen _du_ ," Jackie thought aloud – stories and myths did tend to get distorted down the ages from what the original legend said, and other stories that turned out to be mythical had their inspirations and influences in fact. "But what could the Dark Hand want with this?"

" _Chan_." Jackie didn't get to think further before a figure leapt to the ground in front of him, forcing him to skid to a stop to avoid a collision. Hak Foo, with his mane-like red hair and chiselled face with vacant, dark eyes slipped into an aggressive pose, catsuit showing off his prominent muscles.

"I'm sorry, I'll have to call you back, thank you," Jackie murmured hurriedly into his phone without taking his eyes off Hak Foo, then he slipped into a stance of his own.

* * *

Away from the scene, the car drove at a steady speed along the road.

"I am sorry you don't get to be part of the excitement, Jade," Tohru murmured – as an ashamed former gangster, the sumo didn't really understand why Jade would find so much excitement in being part of such violence. But there were times he thought Jackie was a bit too rigid in his guardian methods about telling Jade to stay out of trouble, as it plainly and simply never worked. "Jade?" He adjusted the rear-view mirror – and found the backseat was empty. He glanced over his shoulder himself just to be sure. "How does she do that?"

* * *

While Hak Foo kept Jackie fighting him, Finn, Chow and Ratso were putting more distance between themselves and the fight as they traversed the alleys, to their delight.

"We're almost home free, boys!" Finn said.

"Mine." A blur of orange hoodie and raven-black hair swung upside-down like the child were on monkey-bars, snatching the sack off of Chow – the slack-jawed Enforcers skidded to a stop. The little girl leapt to the alley floor from the overhead flag-pole she'd swung on, and immediately took off.

"Hey!" Ratso yelled, and the Enforcers promptly gave chase. After several seconds of running, Jade ducked past a bend and pressed her back against the shadowed wall. Outside, the Enforcers tore around a further-away bend and slowed to a walk, turning their heads and looking for any sign of her.

"What kind of magic goodie does Shendu want stolen?" Jade murmured, rummaging one arm inside the sack and removing the giant clam inside. Suddenly, it shone bright purple.

"Whoa…" Jade murmured as the glow cast shadows on her face.

Finn, Chow and Ratso were slowly and unknowingly approaching the bend where Jade was hiding. But then Finn at the lead stopped and gasped, wide-eyed.

"What? Oh…!" Ratso and Chow gawked in terror themselves. In front of them, standing in the alley and filling it almost from one side to the other, was a twenty-foot mountain of upright-standing green scales and packed muscle. Human-like clawed hands; double-jointed, raptor-like legs; a loincloth to cover the pelvis' modesty; a bodybuilder torso with lighter scales on the chest and massive shoulders; and a draconic head with tattoo-like patterns, crown of horns and glowing, pure-red demonic eyes.

Jade gasped, eyes wide as she stared at the familiar, gigantic Fire Demon – he was several metres down the alley from where the Enforcers were and was only half that distance from her, close enough to see her if he turned his head slightly. Suddenly, the gigantic demon widened its glowing eyes and opened its fanged, fork-tongued jaws and hissed; almost like a gasp, but the sound was much too inhuman. Jade closed her mouth, eyes remaining wide. Her honey-brown eyes looked without moving her head at the glowing clam she held, then back at the towering, inexplicably-resurrected dragon-demon, and she allowed her eyes to narrow as she hummed. Just as she'd thought, Shendu's glowing eyes narrowed and he hummed just like her – though with his true form's hoarse voice, the sound seemed a lot darker than the one she'd made.

 _An illusion!_ She barely stopped herself screaming it out. This clam-jewel-thing she had must be some kind of illusion-caster. But why cast an illusion of Shendu when she activated it? Well, she had been thinking about the big, smelly snake at the time…

In the alley, Hak Foo approached the bewildered other Enforcers' rear at a walker's pace, then made his own surprised sound at the sight towering over them.

From where she was hidden behind her wall, Jade's eyes shifted, then a cruel, lopsided smirk formed on her face, eyes holding a cunning glint. Shendu mimicked her lopsided smirk as much as those inhuman jaws could, red eyes taking on a parallel look.

"Sh… Shen-dude!" Finn murmured meekly. Shendu's true form was a pretty terrifying sight to behold before Jade had destroyed it.

"Good to see you got the old-fashioned look back…"

"Have you gained weight?"

" _SILENCE_!" The Enforcers almost jumped out of their skins from the volume and force of the towering demon's bellow, hearts leaping upward through their ribcages. "Ah-" A split-second slip in which Shendu's eyes widened before he spoke his intended line, pointing a finger nearly the size of a human arm. "Where is the jewel I commanded you to steal?" The Enforcers thankfully didn't hear Jade's voice just out-of-sync with Shendu's, saying his lines one second before he repeated. Finn, Ratso and Chow looked like the police had just found a skeleton in their closet, proverbially sweating.

"Er…" Finn droned as Chow very-nervously shrugged his shoulders.

" _Argh! You are all. UTTER MORONS_!" Shendu exploded, and fire sprouted inside his jaws as he furiously leaned towards the cringing Enforcers, blazing red eyes and flame-filled jaws far too close for comfort. "Repeat after me that _you. Are. Morons_." Hak Foo gracefully and dreadfully lowered into a full bow on his knees, face pressed to the pavement. Dreadfully, the other three Enforcers followed suite.

Finn, Chow and Ratso groaned despairingly, "We. Are. Morons." Shendu said nothing, but turned his menacing red gaze.

"I. Am. A moron." Hak Foo said. Shendu's facial features shifted subtly enough. Behind the alley wall, Jade Chan's face was pulled into a rictus grin with her humour as she struggled to stop it translating onto the Shendu mirage. A long pause passed with the twenty-foot Fire Demon glaring down at its mewling minions.

"Hmm… Well, if I can't trust you bozos to steal a single clam…"

"Bozos?" Hak Foo echoed, lifting his head and quirking an eyebrow. Jade panicked momentarily, and it caused Shendu's glowing eyes to widen as if struck by a sword.

" _SILENCE, MINION_!" Shendu suddenly bellowed loudly, heat rippling from his fire-filled maw less than two metres from Hak Foo's head, messing up his red hair. Shendu pointed a huge, clawed finger. "Interrupt me again, and it will be _the end of you_."

"Yes, master," Hak Foo murmured without any further suspicion. Jade repressed the urge to sigh in relief or wipe the forming sweat off her forehead.

"Since I can't rely on you to do even a simple task, it appears I will have to… _punish_ you," Shendu murmured, deliberately drawing out the last part, red eyes narrowed. Chow, Hak Foo and Ratso looked equal parts worried and bewildered; Finn had a look on his face that would've vaguely reminded Jade of a movie she once saw when Uncle Jackie thought she was sleeping, featuring a typical dumb-blonde heroine being cornered by a creepy, smoking man in a bedroom.

"And you may start by amusing me as jesters," Shendu murmured in a sickly-sweet tone, straightening his back with a sly look in his eyes. "Stand." All four Enforcers obeyed as if they had mind-control chips in their skulls. "All of you hop around on one foot. Now." The Enforcers' eyes widened in surprise and they glanced at each-other, but a quick reminder in the form of fire re-filling Shendu's jaws was all the incentive they needed to get started. Finn, Chow, Ratso and Hak Foo all promptly lifted one leg in the air and started hopping around in random directions on the other boot, grunting with effort as they struggled to avoid hopping directly into each-other. But ten seconds in, Ratso hopped directly into Chow and knocked them both down, and then Hak Foo tripped over their bodies, his eyes going saucer-wide before his sudden weight knocked the air out of the other two. Chow fell down near them. The terrible sound of Shendu's laughter made all four Enforcers lift their heads from the crumpled human heap. They were nothing short of disturbed to see their terrible demonic boss like this, head tilted to the heavens and spouts of flame issuing from his open jaws with every few laughs.

Thankfully, the bellowing noise of the Shendu projection's laughter masked Jade's own.

The laughter soon died down, and Shendu turned his malice-filled red eyes back on the Enforcers.

" _Now_ ," he murmured slowly and dramatically, dread written on the four Enforcers' faces as they got back to their feet; "for the first part of your punishment, ah…" Shendu's eyes widened, as though thinking it up as he went along. Then his eyes narrowed mischievously again. "You shall kiss each-other's… _rear ends_." Four pairs of eyes were now saucer-wide.

"Say what?" Finn deadpanned. Shendu suddenly leaned violently towards them, yelling as he showed them every detail of his sharp-toothed draconic maw, making the Enforcers flinch.

" _Get on your hands and knees and kiss his rear end_ ," Shendu snarled dangerously at Finn, pointing a finger; "or I shall _BURN YOU ALL_!" A couple of the Enforcers whined and whimpered like frightened dogs, then they obeyed, all getting on their hands and knees like they were playing dogs in a school play. As instructed, Finn crawled dog-like towards the grey-clothed rear end, reluctance written on every feature of his face as he beheld the objective.

"Urgh…" he groaned horribly, before closing his eyes and leaning his face in with lips puckered, producing a sound like an innocent kiss between two children. Hak Foo did likewise with a humiliated-looking Chow's rear, then removed his lips. It produced a rather evil-sounding snicker from Shendu.

" _Good_ …" Shendu purred slowly and darkly, clutching and rubbing his huge, scaly hands against each-other in a very classical scheming-villain manner. The Enforcers slowly got back in their feet, a defeated look in their countenances that they hadn't had twenty seconds ago. "Hmm… Now I think… Pick something out of those containers-" The Enforcers' eyes shifted to the row of dustbins against the alley wall which Shendu meant. "-and _eat it_." A pause passed before Chow nervously and humbly spoke to the towering Fire Demon.

"Uh, boss… isn't there something else we can do instead?"

" _No_!" Shendu harshly growled, eyes narrowing. The Enforcers slumped, and shuffled towards the garbage cans and removed the lids, groaning and muttering strings of words miserably. They fished through the garbage with their hands, groaning and cringing from the stench. They each came up with a load – for Finn it was a half-full carton of milk (which he found was sour when he sniffed it and made a disgusted sound), for Chow it was a half-eaten burger meal in the packaging which flies buzzed around it, for Hak Foo a rotten half-eaten apple, and for Ratso a dead bird – probably savaged by a cat.

"Now, _eat_!" Shendu commanded. The Enforcers knew not to disobey, only glancing miserably at their catches, making groaning and miserable sounds all along the way. When they were finished, all of them looked ready to spew a fountain of vomit and none of them could stand straight anymore.

"Good…" Shendu purred elatedly. "Now, I order you all to leave my sight!" Jade behind her cover, and Shendu towering in the alley, pointed a finger outward commandingly. The Enforcers obediently turned to leave. " _Not! Like that_." Shendu's voice froze them and they looked dreadfully back to him. "You will crawl with no arms and no legs – like _worms_. And you _will not_ stop crawling like that until you have returned to our hideout."

Ratso began stupidly protesting, "But the road-"

" _I SAID CRAWL_!" Shendu suddenly exploded. The four henchmen immediately dropped and were rapidly squirming, rolling and weaving on their bellies to move themselves along. Shendu's booming black laughter was in the alley behind them.

The crawling human maggots were passing the bend to the next alley, when behind the point where the demon stood almost to the adjacent buildings' height, a man in a lilac jumper was running towards his position. Jackie ran around the bend, somewhat battered and nursing his head from his unfortunate fight with Hak Foo, but his brown eyes bulged and he gasped in utter horror at the sight ahead of him.

" _Shendu_!?" Shendu was alive again?!

At hearing Jackie's voice, the towering dragon-demon turned his crocodilian-looking head to glance over his sloping shoulder, then turned his giant body on the spot-

"It's okay, Uncle Jackie!"

-and he _waved a hand_ at Jackie. Like they were old friends meeting again at a social gathering.

"Wha-?" The sound which escaped Jackie wasn't even that loud, so shell-shocked was he. The image of Shendu waving suddenly shimmered and faded, like a mirage but far too swiftly – and then Jade stepped out into the spot where Shendu had been, waving the same hand at Jackie as Shendu had been. Jackie noticed the bright-glowing Clam of Shen when Jade held it up for him to see clearly where she'd previously clutched it to her hoodie.

" _Cool_ magic!" she said, grinning.

* * *

Cars screeched and horns honked, drivers swerved on the road to avoid the four men who came crawling and squirming on their bellies out into the road, refusing to use their arms or legs which they kept tucked tightly to their rolling torsos. Ratso was panting and sweat-beads were on his forehead as he crawled along the tarmac, having a close call when a swerving car rushed by within feet of him, but all four Enforcers kept on going, not wanting to face their restored demonic boss's wrath if they disobeyed the punishment he'd set them.

Ratso only stopped when a shoe poking out from below two hems – one hem purple-lined and one dark-grey – stepped in front of him; making Ratso and the other frozen Enforcers look up. Above Ratso was a man with long white hair in a ponytail, facial features harsh and unforgiving, demonic red-glowing eyes glaring. Shendu, inside Valmont.


End file.
